My Sister was NOT ready for her Close-up: The Oprah Show Follow-up

Oprah wore hot pink. So did Mary. When the show began its Pacific Time Zone broadcast today, I texted my sister just to be sure I knew where to look for her and her friend, Judy.

“We’re on the right side of the stage, second row. Judy’s on the end in yellow. I’m next to her with a hot pink shirt, black sweater and your statement turquoise necklace.”

The show was all about Dr. Oz, a medical doctor who offers advice on everything from how your poop should be shaped to obtaining multiple orgasms. I was a Dr. Oz virgin, so it was hard for me to get excited or sentimental about the show. I watched for a distinct purpose: to try to see my sister and HOPEFULLY, see my necklace.

Mary was busy at work while the show aired here, but took time out to text me. “Probably they’ll show us @ the end when they bring out the Netti Pots.”

To which I replied, “What the HELL is a Netti Pot?”

“It’s a tea pot nose cleaner!”

Who knew?

Sure enough, in the last minutes of the show, Oprah’s crew brought out a slew of gravy boat-shaped Netti Pots for each member of the audience.  And this is when I, indeed, got to see Hot Pink Mary and Yellow Judy. They were shown from a couple angles, but I was primarily interested in the close-up.

 

Now, let me tell you something about my sister. She is definitely one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever known. Not just physically, with her blonde hair, blue eyes, petite figure and excellent sense of style; but also, she has an unquestionable beauty of spirit. She defines the word “kind.” Mary has to be one of the most excitable people alive. No one gets as giddy as she over a present, for example. I used to tease her and send her birthday present weeks in advance with a notation reading: DO NOT OPEN UNTIL YOUR BIRTHDAY.

“Yeah right!” she always said as she ripped open the paper. It became our little joke.

So, it was no surprise to me that Mary appeared to be VERY excited about Oprah’s gift of a Netti Pot. She was so excited, that she gasped for breath. And in doing so, right in the middle of her momentary close-up, she put her hand to her chest and completely covered the necklace.

I’ve got proof:

Oprah doesn’t let people use her name or her show to market their own products or causes, so I wouldn’t have been able to use the “As Seen on Oprah” tagline anyway. But I think it’s far more entertaining that my four-strand turquoise and copper necklace as modeled by the most beautiful woman on earth will forever be known as the piece of jewelry that was NOT seen on Oprah.

Oprah and the Hot Pink Connection

Mary Beth had her Oprah day yesterday. She wore a hot pink shirt to the show, and was very pleased to see Oprah wearing a hot pink dress. Hot pink is clearly the hot color for spring.

“I sat in the second row,” said my sister, “and I swear Oprah looked right at me a couple of times. She really connected.”

I think it was the hot pink connection.

Meanwhile, I learned that Oprah no longer (if she ever did) shakes the hands of her audience members. So, aside from the eye contact, there wasn’t a direct connection, and certainly no comment on Mary’s outfit or her jewelry. Further, audience members are required to sign some kind of confidentiality agreement or exploitation waiver, indicating they won’t use Oprah’s name to endorse personal products or services.

This is completely understandable. I mean, if the World Bunco Association can hold supplemental rights to the word “bunco” and attempt to block the use of this word in book titles, I’m quite sure Oprah and her people were wise enough to obtain primary rights to the word “Oprah.”


The back-story on this is about my second novel, It’s Not Your Mother’s Bridge Club. It’s NOT the first name I had for this book. The working title was, The Bellisimo Valley Bunco Squad. I wanted “bunco” in the title because, well, it’s a story about a group of women who play the dice game bunco. But when my publisher sent an endorsement request to the World Bunco Association, he received anything but an endorsement. What he received was a terse, cease and desist order.

Looking for a win-win, we attempted to work with the World Bunco Association, however, when it requested 50% of the revenue from book sales, we ultimately decided to change the title and be done with that. We changed the title and we changed the spelling from bunco (with a c) to bunko (with a k). What’s in a name? It’s still a story about women who play with dice.

Anyway, there will be no “As Seen on Oprah” endorsement for my jewelry, regardless of whether or not Mary Beth gets her beautiful, hot-pink clad mug on TV when the program airs. (May 12, 2009). It’s enough for me to know that Mary made her personal connection with this bigger-than-life celebrity.

On second thought, I wonder if I can change the spelling and use Mary Beth’s original Facebook announcement: “As Seen on Opra?”

Nah. I think that might alert the Chicago Bunco Squad.

The Oprah Chronicles

My sister, Mary Beth, is beside herself with excitement. This week, she will meet Oprah Winfrey. Yes, THE Oprah Winfrey. I first found out about this momentous upcoming event by a post she printed on her Facebook wall:

“Going to Opra . . . . . . . what to wear?”

I responded immediately and suggested two things: Number one: Wear a piece of MY jewelry and number two: Add an “h” to the name of television’s most famous person. (It’s Harpo spelled backwards, dear sister).

My sister is one of the cutest women you’ll ever meet. And there’s no one who gets more excited about new clothes and new jewelry. Each year she goes through my newest designs and picks out presents for all her friends and, of course, herself. And she is the perfect model. She tells me that every time she wears a necklace I’ve made for her, people stop her on the street and ask her where she got it.

I should probably arrange it so people can buy the pieces right off her neck since they rarely follow through by going to my website.

But all that may change this Thursday, when Mary Beth is a guest in the audience of America’s most watched talk show. “People have to wait forever to get tickets,” she said. “It’s like Bozo Circus was when we were kids.”

The pipe dream is that Oprah will say the same thing to her as the saleswoman at Lord and Taylor said today when Mary Beth showed her the necklace she'll be wearing on the show. Oprah will shake her hand (I hear she shakes the hands of all her audience members) and say, “Girl! Where DID you get that necklace?” Yes, a pipe dream, I realize. I’d settle for a quick shot of my sister in the audience that I can freeze-frame and capture, and then forever market my jewelry with an “As Seen On Oprah” tag.

We’re not yet sure when the show will air. Hopefully my sister will have that information on Thursday. There are rumors that an upcoming show will be Oprah’s last with Dr. Oz. Could it be true that Oz signed his "death warrant" by making provocative comments about stem cell research during his recent appearance with Michael J. Fox? It's more likely that this schedule has been in place for months, since the news of a Harpo-produced show with Dr. Oz ala Dr. Phil. Regardless, I wonder who really goes to the Oprah show to see the guests?

It's Oprah who is the star. She’s certainly a star-maker, and a star-breaker. Hmmm. I wonder what she thinks of turquoise.